I fucked up. It was the two year anniversary of Silas passing, Lu and I couldn’t be together because of work, and I had no idea what to do. So I planned nothing.
Didn’t call anyone in advance, didn’t make any plans. With Lu away it was doubly difficult for both of us.
As the day approached I could feel myself tightening into that same awful shape again, where simple things like food and sunlight became taut and painful.
What do I do with the day my son was born and passed away? The sheer awfulness of the anniversary immobilized me. I was locked up completely.
Elm City Dad 
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September 28, 2010 at 11:11 am
Nuwie
i’m sorry silas is not here, was not here for a 2nd birthday party, and that none of us can change this. it’s still unfair. you and lulu are so strong though, from spending the day far apart to the long road you have traveled these 2 years. i am really proud of you guys.
September 28, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Tracy
Sending our love to all three of you.
xxoo
September 28, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Marybeth Stankovits
I am glad that you were with friends on Silas’s birthday. Many of us were thinking about you and sending love long distance, but the comfort of a real hug can not be duplicate. Matt & I lit a candle in SF and said some words in remembrance. You three are always in our thoughts. Sending love to you…
September 30, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Rachel
xxx
October 1, 2010 at 11:32 am
Sheila
I’m so sorry he’s not with you, Chris. it’s the worst injustice possible to have your baby taken from you. your post is so beautiful, as always. and I just wanted to let you know that we never think of you as a “conduit for a terrible event.” I think of you and Lani as my amazing friends who every day find the strength to be present in their lives despite a terrible event, to be good people, good at what you do, good at helping others in many different ways, including your wonderful writing, bringing joy and inspiration to those who love you and at finding joy and inspiration in your love for each other. you are both such unique, lovely people. when I think of you, I feel proud to be your friend. sending you love and always keeping your sweet Silas in my heart. xoxo
November 17, 2010 at 12:26 am
Carol
Love and strength to you both and love too, to Silas!
You’re never far from our thoughts!
Love, Carol and the Connells and Cannons