I fucked up.  It was the two year anniversary of Silas passing, Lu and I couldn’t be together because of work, and I had no idea what to do.  So I planned nothing.

Didn’t call anyone in advance, didn’t make any plans. With Lu away it was  doubly difficult for both of us.

As the day approached I could feel myself tightening into that same awful shape again, where simple things like food and sunlight became taut and painful.

What do I do with the day my son was born and passed away?  The sheer awfulness of the anniversary immobilized me.  I was locked up completely.