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I fucked up. It was the two year anniversary of Silas passing, Lu and I couldn’t be together because of work, and I had no idea what to do. So I planned nothing.
Didn’t call anyone in advance, didn’t make any plans. With Lu away it was doubly difficult for both of us.
As the day approached I could feel myself tightening into that same awful shape again, where simple things like food and sunlight became taut and painful.
What do I do with the day my son was born and passed away? The sheer awfulness of the anniversary immobilized me. I was locked up completely.