So I did get my tattoo on Sunday. Its absolutely beautiful and perfect. Our good friend Cindy who just happens to be a tattoo artist helped to design it and inked my inner left wrist with a tree (based on the book The Giving Tree) and the constellation of Orion in the sky. I can’t stop looking at it, as it is my only tattoo in such a prominent place. I have 5 others, all somewhat hidden from me unless its summer. I do have a flower on my belly button which was interesting to see expand with my pregnant belly. Now I can’t stand looking at it since I’ve yet to lose the last 15 lbs of baby weight.  This new one though, it’s always in sight, always there to remind me of my precious little boy who I will never get to hold in my arms.

Chris was having difficulty that day in deciding what to get. Nothing seemed to work for him so he decided to wait. It has been a tough week for him, seeing me with mine and it being so perfect and beautiful.  But he will get his soon, and then he’ll be carrying Silas also where he’ll never be out of sight.  We will post pix of both of ours together as soon as Chris gets his.

So this week our friend Michelle from SF was in town visiting us and we spent a few days in Boston. We had a great time visiting old friends, and reconnecting with a city that both of us lived in when we did not know each other. It was fun to see how the city had changed while also visiting old favorite places. Chris had a coffee seminar which was the reason for the trip.

The city life came back to us full force every night that we were out to dinner and hanging with friends. Our life here in New Haven is not even remotely close to what we had in SF as far as any sort of social life. We moved here knowing that we didn’t have friends to get beers with after work or go bike riding with on Sat afternoon or see shows with any given night of the week. Oh we have tons of friends in the northeast area, but none in this same city (though since we’ve moved here we’ve met a few really great people in our ‘hood).  I enjoyed what moving here brought us- family close by, quiet nights and weekends away to visit with our friends and their kids. It was a different sort of lifestyle then we both had been used to. But it was what I was craving, especially since we got pregnant in Jan of last year. We came here to start a family and quiet our lives and it felt good.

So things have taken a new path. Our plan of starting a family has now been postponed. But it was what we had come here to do, all our energy all year went into preparation for a new lifestyle that everyone around us here on the east coast had already done years before us. Out in SF, our group of friends were a bit behind, only in the last year did people begin to have babies. Here, we were pretty much the minority until I got pregnant.  So being in Boston, and going out and being social brought us back to that life again.

But it freaked me out. I can’t go there, or even think about going there. I want to continue on this path we started.  I do understand that itch and longing for friends to hang out with during the week and living in a city where there was so much to do everywhere you look.  But at this moment, right now, it feels like going backwards. It is like giving up on this carefully crafted plan we had.  Who knows, maybe we’ll have the city life again, but with our kids. We’ll figure it out. Just like we are figuring out how to get through each day.

For now though, I will chill out on the couch with the remote as I admire my new tattoo. I have no place to be, no one to meet up with and a quiet, rainy night at home alone.  And I’m ok with that.

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