The nights are tough, too.  It feels good to have achieved another sunset, but it is daunting to know there are so many more days to come that we must battle through.

Today was harder than expected.   A few less people around.  A bit more realization that this is going to be an endless process, a constant struggle that we never anticipated or could ever prepare for.

Silas is still not here.  But now there is a star in the sky that is his alone.  Today we received notice that our friends Steve and Tracy had a star named after Silas in the constellation of Orion.  We are thrilled and touched and honored and deeply thankful that there is a blazing sun out there in the cosmos that bears his beautiful name.

We toasted Silas at dinner tonight as we celebrated Roshashana with Lu’s family and mine.  This is the start of the Jewish New Year, and we ate apples and honey tonight as a part of the meal to bring sweetness to the coming months.  Although I am not Jewish and Lu’s family is more about the traditions than the religion itself, it felt good to connect with a larger faith this evening.

I am still searching for the particulars of my spirituality but I know that the loving energy of my missing son is filling all the spaces in our hearts and in the world around us.  We have all laughed together today–as usual–because it is the only way we know to dam the flood of grief and tears that is always present now just beyond our feeble defenses.

Tomorrow is a big day for us and for many of our friends.  Silas Orion has his first mission in the morning.  It is his first task in the Beyond to help us here in the Now.  More on that later, but for now just know that we are so thankful and welcoming to all the love, prayers, thoughts and vibes that all of you are sending to us every day.  We are a bit overwhelmed by all the attention from people we do not know, but your comments and stories are helping us to heal, to grieve, to appreciate the many wonderful things we have right now amidst all the sadness and loss.

Today’s rule was that no matter what you were eating, you had to use a bagel as a part of it.  Bagel sandwiches.  Bagel chips.  Bagels with bagels on them and a side of bagels to go.  I showered with a bagel this morning.  It was a sorry sponge, but it’s one less ring of dough to have to deal with now.

Thank you all for helping to hold us up.  We are weak and lost without you.

Advertisements