Lu is sleeping peacefully.  My brothers are here, her brother and his wife.  We are kicking it with some beers and laughter and love and playing some Wii bowling.  Music is on.  Music heals and helps no matter what the situation.  All of the friends and family that have come by to be with us, everyone that has called or emailed or texted or commented, that has all helped us so much.  Thank you.

Last night as Lu and I cried each other to sleep our siblings were out in the living room crushing each other in Monopoly.  It was fucking awesome to hear their voices nearby.  We need people around us.  We need to disperse and fortify for the terrible quiet moments.  For when there’s no baby crying.  For when it’s not our new peaceful family.

We are fighting to prevent this from poisoning our lives.  We want to live and love and laugh as our lives go on.  But we will never stop loving our little baby boy Silas Orion.  Somehow this is our new life and he is part of it even though he’s apart from us.  I was outside today and felt him in ever atom of the world around me. His constellation is coming up soon.  I couldn’t wait to teach him about the stars.

This is not what we are supposed to be doing.  Something went wrong in the world that led us to this terrible place of grief.  Even trying to touch it nearly crumples me.  I have to, though, we have to.  We have to take all of it in no matter how horrible and then find a way to move beyond it, to live happy somehow.

The only way for us to do that, though, is with the help of all of you.  Your words and calls and flowers and food have been a tremendous help to us.  Please keep flooding us.  Lu needs your voices even though she has nothing to say.

Bother her with love.  Help us fill up all the empty, quiet places.

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