The tears began yesterday in anticipation of the day to come. Usually I love my birthday. I have always made it a point to plan something fun- whether it’s dinner with friends, a party, camping, whatever, I love celebrating it. I think that it’s important to honor the one day of the year that is just about you. I also was never too concerned with getting older. As much as I don’t look or feel the 38 years I turned today, the fertility world has a very different viewpoint. I don’t care how many women over 40 are having babies, I guess I never thought that would be me. This really should have been the best birthday ever with my sweet little Silas.
Last year, obviously, I was pregnant. We had plans to go to a Mets game with about 25 friends. To me, this sounded like the best idea ever- I was soooo excited. We all now know what happens when you have expectations. Well, it turned out to be the rainiest day of the year and the game was canceled. I spent most of the day crying! The one thing I said to Chris was “at least I’m pregnant.” Enough said.
Luckily I have the best husband in the world. He knew how much I have been dreading this day. In the midst of my first birthday breakdown yesterday, he handed me something wrapped up. We are not gift givers, we would rather spend our money doing something, like dinner, concerts, etc. Spending money we don’t have on gifts we don’t need, isn’t necessary. But in this case it was just what I needed. He actually found the absolute perfect gift for me. It was a bag made from recycled yoga mats. I mean, seriously! I cried even harder.
My 38th birthday is now coming to an end. In between tears, it was okay I guess. It probably will go down as the worst birthday so far, but I did have the most gorgeous sunny day ever and got to spend it with my amazing husband. I worked a bit (which was probably not the best idea), we took a ride to the beach, ate some seafood on the water with Chris’ brother and his girlfriend, and now we’re home getting ready to hit the couch.
I did feel the love coming at me from all over. With facebook, g-talk, emails, texts, phonecalls, cards- you name it, each message reminded me of the wonderful support system I have in my life. But even still, I am ready for this day to end as I anticipate the next few hurdles in the coming weeks. Somehow I’ll get through it, tears and all.

23 comments
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April 28, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Danielle
How I wish this birthday had been different, along with so many of the days before it. Glad you spent it surrounded by love, though. Thinking of you.
April 28, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Mrs.spit
My first birthday after Gabe was hard too. I suspect the next one will be as well.
Sending hugs.
April 28, 2009 at 10:00 pm
ilostaworld
I’m sorry this day was so hard. I hope the next year of your life brings as much peace and love as possible.
And those bags are fantastic!
April 28, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Sally
Love you Lani. I know today sucked, I’ve already done the birthday with no baby thing. It is just too cruel. Simon and I don’t give gifts either, but I think Chris did really well picking out this gift for you. No gift we receive now will ever be enough, when the one gift we want we can’t possibly have, but its nice to feel loved all the same. So many people out there love you Lani. You are going to be ok, and we’re all going to help you. Family, old friends and new friends.
xoxoxo
April 28, 2009 at 11:22 pm
kalakly
Thinking of you on this most bittersweet of days. what a sweet thing your Chris did for you. I hope the coming year brings more hope and healing to your heart. I’m thinking of you and baby Silas.
xxoo
April 28, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Inanna
Happy as-good-as-it-gets-now Birthday, mama.
I hadn’t even considered holidays and birthdays yet. Oh the joys of discovering all the things I’ll be experiencing/missing in the coming years…
April 28, 2009 at 11:49 pm
mom
i am feeling the sadness of this birthday with you my darling…….i am hoping that you can find reasons to smile in your life….i am so happy that you have chris by your side and all the people who love you around to boost you up in your time of need…..
today i saw a rainbow and i would like to think that it is leading us all to the pot of gold that is at the bottom…..not too far from our grasp.
continue to take each day as it comes and try really hard to find something positive to hold on to…….i love you so much and i feel all your pain ….so know that you are not alone…will NEVER be alone and remember also that these days chronological age is meaningless…..you and i are definitely ten years younger than any birthday indicates so time is still on your side….heres hoping that this 38th year brings you all the good things that will help you through to the many years to come.
April 29, 2009 at 12:41 am
kim
I love you, Lani. Thinking of you today and always.
April 29, 2009 at 1:08 am
Paige
Oh Lani, I’m glad it’s over for you too, and hope you feel some strength for the upcoming hurdles. It’s just not fair to have counted on having Silas in your arms to celebrate, and to have that taken away. I held you in my heart today, and I wish you a 38th year full of so much love. xo
April 29, 2009 at 4:11 am
Rachel
Happy birthday dear Lani : ) x
April 29, 2009 at 4:42 am
mirne
I hope your next birthday will be happier Lani.
April 29, 2009 at 6:32 am
Angie
Another day of heartbreak…these milestones are all so loaded and complicated. Though it was the worst birthday, it sounds like it had some lovely and loving moments. Sending you much love, strength and grounding on the next year. Abrazos y besos.
April 29, 2009 at 7:01 am
birni
Lani, I know. My 38th was in Feb. We lost our boys close together in time. My birthday sucked big time too. I ran away by myself for the day. I used to love my birthday. Already I don’t want next years. It’s not the way it should be, and it never will be.
I wish you gentle times ahead. Your first birthday as a babylost mama is done with.
xxx
April 29, 2009 at 8:49 am
Gretchen
I’m so sorry that Silas wasn’t here with you on your birthday. I’m glad you made it through and that you have such a thoughtful husband who is with you on this grief journey. Lifing you up on the day after…
April 29, 2009 at 9:42 am
Ezra's Mommy
Sending much love Lani
April 29, 2009 at 9:46 am
littlebluebirdsfly
I’m sorry. I’m dreading my birthday too, fwiw. Thank goodness for fabulous husbands at least
April 29, 2009 at 6:41 pm
mamaliza
sending you lots of love lani
April 29, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Brad
The world got a little brighter 38 years ago (yesterday) and continues to be a better place with you in it. We love you Lani.
April 30, 2009 at 2:09 am
Shuman
the support you and chris provide each other and the love you share for another is truly amazing. an example for all to follow.
love ya – shuman
April 30, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Jodi
Hi Sweet Lani,
Happy Belated Birthday, I didn’t realize we were Taurus Sisters. My birthday was the 24th and I too bawled.
Sending you light & love for more sunny days.
jodi
May 3, 2009 at 3:25 pm
CLC
Happy belated birthday. I am sorry it was so hard for you. Birthdays don’t hold any meaning for me anymore either. Hoping you have had some better days since then.
May 3, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Bon
i’m late, but happy birthday, Lani.
May 17, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Dalene
I’ve very late to this, Lani, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you guys and wishing that your birthday had included having sweet baby Silas with you.