I had a dream this morning that I was holding Silas. That I didn’t want to put him down, that I couldn’t put him down because if I did, he would disappear. I fed him real food and then he started choking and I had to save him with the Heimlich maneuver. I said to my sister in law Melissa “I guess I shouldn’t have fed him real food.” Then I put him down to sleep and I woke up with my arms empty.
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March 19, 2009 at 3:20 pm
mrs.spit
I’m sorry. The waking up must have been hell.
March 19, 2009 at 3:37 pm
tntstanifer
I’m sorry your dreams of Silas are not more peaceful. I would have similar dreams and wake up exhausted.
March 19, 2009 at 4:20 pm
ilostaworld
Ouch. The only dream I’ve had of Teddy after he died was that a nurse/nun had him wrapped in a blanket, wouldn’t let me hold him, and that I was bargaining for visitation privileges. I hate that we lose them in dreams, too.
I hope your sleep tonight is more peaceful.
March 19, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Sally
Wish I could come and hug you Lani. I had a dream about Hope that was as scary as this. It is just awful.
March 20, 2009 at 9:28 am
ezra's mommy
Oh Lani, what a scary dream. Wish I could give you real hugs too. Xoxo
March 20, 2009 at 10:00 am
Nuwie
i dreamed of trey last night…
we chatted and he asked me for my card, so that he could make sure to have my info to guest list me for any shows i want to attend in future
just hoping to make you laugh
i am sorry for your sad dream
((Hugs))
March 20, 2009 at 11:57 am
Paige
Lani, I’m so sorry for your bad dream. I’ve had three dreams of Cayden in the past two weeks, and I never dreamed at all during my pregnancy. Two have been downright frightening, with him basically disintegrating in my arms. I hope as I move along this path of grief, I’ll come to more peaceful dreams. And I hope you do too. Much love.
March 20, 2009 at 11:55 pm
mom
sweetheart…..your arms are empty but your heart and soul and mind will forever be filled with the love you have for the son you only knew so briefly. he will float in and out of your dreams but he will forever be remembered by those of us who loved him while inside you and who held him for those short moments in the hospital…..maybe he is sending you a message that he is coming back and that you will soon have what you long for.
meanwhile continue to be the amazing person you are ….and know that we are all in this together and the love we all have for you and chris and for our beautiful baby will sustain us.
March 22, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Dalene
Ugh, I’m sorry Lani. I hate the scary dreams. I once dreamed that I finally realized that Baker was zipped inside of a stuffed teddy bear I have. All this time, he was alive in there and I didn’t even realize it. And then I felt like a horrible mother in my dream.
March 22, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Craemer
hang tough Lani, sorry for the bad dreams.
March 22, 2009 at 3:33 pm
mamaliza
i’m so sorry that silas isn’t in your arms. i too wanted to reach out and hug you and cry with you when i read this post. sending you so much love.
March 22, 2009 at 4:43 pm
mamaliza
ps i just remembered a dream i had the other night about pushing an empty stroller…
March 23, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Mariah
Thinking of you, Lani. I wish Silas could be in your arms too. Much love from Cali…
March 24, 2009 at 12:42 pm
kalakly
I don’t think I have had any dreams of Caleb except the ones I had when I was pg with him. My brain won’t go there I have it so buried.
I hope one day the dreams bring comfort and that you wake up to arms overflowing.
xxoo